I don't read my older entries in Live Journal all that often, but I looked through them tonight.. I didn't get back before the beginning of 2006. They really made me realize that 1.) I used to be fairly good at expressing myself in words, and 2.) I was quite frequently full of crap. My twisted ideas of what love was before I met Scott make me want to go back in time and flick myself in the forehead repeatedly (Friends-style). All that time I spent miserable over people that I convinced myself were meant for me could have been spent doing something better. Life lesson here: wallowing is never a good thing, and is certainly never productive in any way, shape or form.
Today I was late for the office Christmas party because I couldn't sleep because of my lingering scratchy throat and had finally taken NyQuil at 2 am. Well, it did the trick because I sat straight up in bed upon waking up, stretched, and thought about how fantastic I felt. Then I glanced at my clock and did a double-take. It was 10:20 am and I was supposed to meet Scott at 11 at Picatinny for the Christmas party. I was really discouraged with this and rushed like crazy to get ready and get there. We made it to the party on time and didn't get sucky seats, either. I am just frustrated with myself.. Scott has a thing with lateness, which is one of my finest attributes. I don't think I realized before him that I'm apparently late to most things, an average of 20 minutes. He's actually resorted to lying to me on occasion to make sure I'm there way early. I've been trying to be better about this lately because I do realize that lateness is rudeness, but the powers at be are all rooting for me to fail for some reason unbeknownst to me.
Looking back at those entries really showed me that apart from the late issue, I am way more together than I was in college. College is just such a bad thing.. it makes being an idiot easy, and doesn't really offer many opportunities for "growing up". I don't think that the average college student (myself included) really "gets" the real world until they've graduated. The work environment, relating with/to coworkers, dealing with customers (or patients), etc. are all things that are somehow not regarded as important in our education. The mundane reality of personal life can be a shock, too - managing finances, paying bills, keeping your own place, etc.. I felt like I grew up significantly within a year of leaving college. I stopped caring whether or not people thought I was smart or attractive and started worrying about whether or not I was becoming a good nurse. I learned what real love was, but only out of luck - I still don't believe anyone can know whether they're really in love until it actually happens to them personally (and some people never get to experience that at all, unfortunately). I have just learned so much and I feel so grateful for my life now. When I get upset about my difficult job, I just have to remind myself to look at the big picture.
And that's about it for tonight. I was really just on here writing because I can't sleep from having slept in so late this morning - hopefully I'll actually remember the alarm going off tomorrow morning!